My brain is too scattered today to write anything cohesive, so here is a list of rants that have been bouncing around in my head. Feel free to call 9-waah-waah when you finish reading.

-If you’re going to wear those hideously stupid Ugg boots, dear God, at least lift your stupid feet up while you walk so the whole world doesn’t have to hear you clomping down the sidewalk/hall/T platform/etc.

-How hard is it to look where you’re going and to be aware of your surroundings?! Please don’t stop in your tracks in the middle of a crowded sidewalk to change songs on your iPod or to read that text you just got. Please don’t walk three-abreast down a narrow sidewalk and refuse to move when someone is trying to walk the other way. Please don’t step directly into my path and then glare at me for getting in your way when I’ve been on the same trajectory for the entire length of the street.

-Why, yuppie/hipster hybrid man, did you feel the need to cut in front of everyone at the bus stop yesterday – everyone, literally, even the adorable old lady who had been there way longer than you – to get on the bus first, where you then stood in the middle of everyone’s way, refused to move, and stole the first open seat available… robbing it from the same adorable old lady? Did you not learn how to wait your turn in kindergarten? Did you mom not teach you manners? Why can’t people queue properly?!?!

-Dear Stompy, my upstairs neighbor: Is it not enough that you stomp around from approximately 7 am to midnight every day? Do you also have to steal my packages? And hog all the hot water every single morning? And leave your trash strewn all over our section of the driveway? When I’m in charge of the world, I’m sending you back to New York faster than you can clomp across the length of the house (read: fast).

-Dear Japanese tourists: Stop taking my picture. I’m not an MIT student. I do not work in a zoo (though it kind of feels like it with this big ol’ window next to me that’s at eye-level to everyone outside). I will start flipping you off if you try to photograph me again. You’ve been warned.

-Dear 90% of the cyclists in eastern Massachusetts: You know you’re technically using a vehicle, right? Please learn the rules of the road or I will have to start kicking your back wheels. I’ll do it. I swear. Next cyclist that almost runs me down when I’m in a crosswalk and you’re going the wrong way down a one-way street, your spokes will have my footprint in them. For realz.

-Dear Sloanies: GET OUT OF MY DREAMS!!!

That is all.